Diane Jolliffe – Photography and Design

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my thoughts

Wow, I haven’t posted since 2/29/12. Time has really been getting away from me lately.

There is a reason for this, outside of photography and photo manipulation. Most of that reason centers on me trying to fill every waking moment with something to keep my mind occupied. I recently purchased a new lens for my camera so I’m trying to give that some attention and get used to using it. I also decided the time was right to buy a digital piano and start taking lessons, plus I am going to be volunteering some time at a therapy horse ranch on an island not far from home.

All these things and still I can’t help but be sad and miss my sister who died from cancer in August 2011.

We’d talk at least once a week. Some weeks we would speak every day; until around June of last year when her calls stopped coming and my voice mails and text messages went unreturned. She no longer had the strength to call back and things really declined quickly from there.

I got laid off at the end of June, and I drove down to Texas in August to help her around the house and get her to her appointments. By August, she had been hospitalized a couple of times and then released. When I arrived, she was in the hospital again and fighting with the staff to let her go home. They released her and I took her home around midnight. We spent the next two days talking and laughing; I cleaned her place and did the grocery shopping, ran some errands and cooked all of her favorite things for her. She ate like a champ and things seemed to be good. Then on the third day of my visit, she could barely stay alert. I called the paramedics and they transported her back to Baylor Hospital.  A week later, I held my sister in my arms and said goodbye as she took her last breath.

I’ve been a mess ever since. I have good days; I’ve had laughs and fun and adventure, but I miss her so much. I never know when it will hit, and then something as simple as a song on the radio can bring me to tears.

So, I guess the point is, no matter how much I try to fill my mind, my time and keep myself busy, I’m still missing a huge chunk of my heart.

Nothing to share here today, image wise – Just a little out pouring of my soul on the internet…